Extended mind

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    Negotiation notes for Never Split the Difference

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    cheatsheet

    Aim for “That’s right” (on board), not “You’re right” (defensive), not “I’ll try, you’re right” (I plan to fail).

    Mirror

    1. Use Late Night FM DJ Voice
    2. Start sentences with “I’m sorry”
    3. Mirror
    4. Silence, at least 4 seconds to let mirror work its magic
    5. Repeat

    Label

    • It sounds like / It seems like / It looks like
    • Pause to let the label sink in. Other party will fill in the silence.

    Examples:

    • It seems like \_ is valuable to you.
    • It seems like you don’t like \_.
    • It seems like you value \_.
    • It seems like \_ makes it easier.
    • It seems like you’re reluctant to \_.

    Use labels to uncover the counterpart’s underlying reasons (e.g. they say yes but look unwilling):

    • I heard you say ‘Yes’ but it seemed like there was a hesitation in your voice.
    • No, This is important. Let’s make sure we get this right.

    Accusation audit

    List the worst things they can say about you so that they can’t say it.

    Ask calibrated questions

    Don’t use:

    • Can, Is, Are, Do, Does
    • Questions that can be answered with Yes or tiny pieces of information

    Always ask “what” or “how” questions, instead of “why”. “why” gets people defensive.

    • e.g. “What caused you to do it?” instead of “Why did you do it?”

    It makes the other party solve your problems for you, and make them feel like they are in control.

    • How am I supposed to do that?
    • How can I know he’s alive?
    • How can I help make this better for us?
    • What else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?

    Only use why when defensiveness it creates is in my favor: Why would you ever change from the way you’ve done things and try my approach?

    Saying No with calibrated questions:

    • You can’t leave -> What do you hope to achieve by going?

    For counterpart:

    • What are we trying to accomplish?
    • How is that worthwhile?
    • What’s the core issue here?
    • How does that affect things?
    • How does this fit into what the objective is?

    Identify behind-the-table deal killers:

    • How does this affect the rest of your team?
    • How on board are the people not in this call?
    • What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?

    Identify negative leverage:

    • It seems you strongly value the fact that you’ve always been paid on time

    Start with No

    Allow the other party to say No, it will let them feel in control. Saying yes makes people defensive. They feel safe by saying no - this way they will open themselves up to more possibilities and not feel backed in a corner. “No” is protection.

    Ask a question that triggers a no:

    • “Is now a bad time to talk?” instead of “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

    Force counterpart into a No:

    • Intentionally mislabel an emotion

      • So it seems you really are eager to leave your job?

    • Ask a ridiculous question that can only be answered by a No

      • Have you given up on this project?
      • It seems you only want this project to fail

    Using fairness

    Fairness is important to people

    If opposite side says: We just want what’s fair

    • Emotionally rattled negotiators will raise their counteroffer
    • Correct response: Ok, I apologize. Let’s stop everything and go back to where I started treating you unfairly and we’ll fix it.

    If the opposite side says: We’ve given you a fair offer

    • Jab meant to distract attention
    • Correct response: Fair? It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that.

    What you can say:

    • I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair and we’ll address it.

    Loss aversion

    People are more willing to take risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Make sure the other side sees there is something to lose by inaction.

    Because

    People respond favorably to requests made in a reasonable tone of voice and followed by a “beacuse” reason, even if the reason is rubbish, e.g.

    • I need to cut in line because I need to print something.

    Black swans

    • Get facetime to identify black swans

    Spotting liars / decision makers

    Liars

    • Use more words than truth tellers
    • Talk about “him”, “her”, “it”, “one”, “they” and “their”. Rarely I -> distance from the lie
    • Speak in more complex sentences (to cover up the lie)

    Spotting decision makers:

    • using I, me, my -> they are less important in the decision of the outcome
    • using We, they, them -> they are actual decision maker leaving options open

    Bargaining / negotiation cheatsheet

    Bending their reality

    1. Anchor their emotions: Start with an accusation audit acknowledging all their fears. Anchor them in preparation for a loss (people are more ready to act to avoid a loss)
    2. Let the other party suggest a price first. Especially if neither party knows true market value. Consider alternatives if other party is a shark or a rookie
    3. Establish a bolsting range: Recall a similar deal. Range high so people will naturally want to satisfy the low end of my range
    4. Pivot to non-monetary terms: Give things that are not important. Get things that are. Suggest ideas to stimulate brainstorming
    5. Use odd numbers: Don’t use round numbers
    6. Surprise with a gift: Generate reciprocity by giving unrelated surprise gifts.

    Ackerman bargaining

    1. Set target price

    2. Plan your offers

      • Buyer: 65% -> 85% -> 95% -> 100%
      • Seller: 135% -> 115% -> 105% -> 100%

    3. At final offer add non-monetary item to show that I’m at my limit. Use precise, non-round odd numbers

    Use accusation audits to pre-empt the first offer

    • You’re going to think I haven’t done my homework
    • You’re going to feel insulted by my offer
    • I’m embarrased to tell you my offer

    Use empathy and ways of saying no to get the other to counter before increasing your offer.

    Deflecting an extreme anchor

    • Say no without saying no: How am I supposed to do that?

    • Deflect the anchor: What are we trying to achieve here?

    • Pivot to terms: detour to non-monetary issues:

      • Let’s put price off to the side for a moment and talk about what would make this a good deal?
      • What else would you be able to offer to make that a good price for me?

    • Respond with your own extreme anchor

    • Strategic umbrage: I don’t see how that would ever work

    Saying no without saying no

    1. How am I supposed to do that?
    2. Your offer is very generous. I’m sorry that just doesn’t work for me
    3. I’m sorry but I’m afraid I just can’t do that
    4. I’m sorry, no
    5. “What do you hope to achieve by going?” instead of “You can’t leave.”

    Use mirroring and open-ended questions in between. Empathize:

    • That’s very generous of you.
    • That price is more than fair
    • Thank you for taking the time to talk to me

    Get them to say yes 3 times

    1. Get them to give a commitment
    2. Label + summarize -> get a That’s Right
    3. Calibrated question about implementation. Ask what will constitude success: What do we do if we get off track?